Today just wasn't a chatty day.

Sometimes you're not in a talkative mood but are content sitting back and listening. Maybe something is wrong or maybe not. Today just isn't the day for you to talk your face off.


Depending on your unique resting face, your silence may be interpreted as anger, sadness or boredom. If you're unlucky and it happens to be sadness this may only encourage more questions and more glaring eyes. The worst combination with this is when you're not in the mood to lie and smile and say you're fine (followed by a laugh for emphasis), leaving you staring at the person who has just repeated their question to you.


Person A: "Wait are you okay? You look really spaced out! You haven't said a word today."
Your mind: "I should probably answer or smile. Maybe just laugh a little and hope they loose their train of thought"
You: ".........."
Person A: "Why is she being so quiet?"
Your mind: "Why didn't I say anything. Now I just look rude. Great. Great work me. It's probably too late now."

You leave just knowing they will be at least thinking if not discussing why you always come across so cold. The more and more this happens the less you care and become fine with not being invited to the next catch up because you know "you just didn't seem to have fun".

Tomorrow you'll wake up spewing sunshine and constantly stopping yourself from interrupting every conversation you're in. You have so much to say and so little time!!


If you take a step back you might see a pattern. These polar opposite moods you find yourself in might correlate to the people you're with. Hmm.... It doesn't mean that Person A and associates are all terrible, draining people but maybe they just don't bring out the best in you or you're no longer on the same page as them like you were a year ago. People drift, interests change or don't and sometimes you may never be able to let go of that grudge and loss of trust.

If you wish to continue spending time with them: make the most of it and have some fun. Don't be left with regrets. This doesn't mean you have to forgive them for everything and pretend or force yourself to be buddy buddy with them. Enjoy the day and food.  If you really don't want to talk tell them and say "So what's the deal with Trump"- a sure fire way to start a heated discussion and take the spotlight off yourself for a little while. If all else fails just keep eating because no one wants to see you talk with your mouth full!

Keep living your lives of spice! Silence is golden and so are you! :) xx

Great Expectations

Expectations: they can be great or they can lead to terrible disappointment.

You know that movie you've heard so much about? You've read all the books and you always dreamt of it becoming a movie one day. Ticket in hand, you can't wait for your life to be forever changed.
Walking out as the movie ends, you feel incomplete. Something was missing. It wasn't as fantastic and breath-taking as you heard and assumed it would be. You had put so much mental effort into this movie but were left with disappointment.

Perhaps you said you didn't really know what to expect from that last dinner but when it only lasted one hour you realised that you really did have expectations all along. One hour? Really? That's what they thought was going to happen? This whole time? You admit you expected it to all go a little differently. You thought maybe more questions would have been asked, more laughs would have been had and perhaps less watch checking. You know what- maybe no watch checking at all.

Whether its an exam, a long awaited movie, job interview, reunion with a long-lost friend or a date we usually have some idea of what's going to happen. So when it goes completely differently, for the worst, you can be left in shock. Did that really happen? That's really not how I thought that would all go down.

I truly agree with the quote "“If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar. I believe it to be perfect for seeing a movie or reading a new book. However using that quote as is- "somebody"- people- that's what I seem to struggle with.

I know we impose our own standards on others and when they do not fulfil these standards or what we deem as "socially appropriate" alarms can go off in our minds. Is it so terrible to expect others to act exactly how the day played out in your mind the night before? Maybe?

Perhaps there was a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Emails and text messages can be very misleading you know. (I often worry a straight forward question in a group chat can come off harsh so I try to always add a smiley face #lifehacks)

What if we are really just not on the same page about whatever this is? What page do I even think we are on...? Okay maybe you were just hoping they would say what page they are on and you can play along and pretend you thinking the same thing the whole time... That's okay right... That's polite isn't it?

Perhaps Bill Watterson was correct when he said “I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”

Do you feel like you are let down by your own standards like I seem to constantly be? Do you feel me sister? (Look I gave that phrase a try.)

Friendship:

When friends let you down it's literally the worst. The people you trust the most left you hanging or this whole time weren't being your friend when you weren't around. Is this because of your expectations of what it means to be someone's friend or was it just them being a genuinely crappy person?

Now I realise all this nonsense may seem a little all over the place and a bit "first-world-issues much?", however losing trust in someone who you thought you could always count on can have massive repercussions in all your other relationships and future ones. Can I trust any of these people?
Obviously I can't answer that for you and honestly my mind isn't really made up in my own life but what we can do is always make sure we are being a great friend. Wow great advice...

I think most of us have the gist of what it takes to be a good friend but here are some pointers:

1. Listen to your friend- don't just nod your head and say "okay my turn", actually give up some of your talking time once in a while and listen to what your friend has to say.
2. Don't talk smack about them when they are not there to defend themselves- or you know just don't do it all! - This can take practice!
3. Forgive. You may not forget what happened but if a friend actually comes clean and apologises think about giving them a chance because one day you might need them to do the same for you.

Look if you made it this far... well I'm not sure if you should be proud... Its up to you!
I feel like I have just written a post full of questions and no answers, for which I am sorry. If you wish to share your own words of wisdom below please do! :)

Keep living that life of spice like you do so well! x

Our Stress Response

When entering the room you are very aware of your beating heart. Your stomach and chest may ache. Was it what your ate for dinner last night? You had struggled to get to sleep with worries circling in your mind about today's exam. Sweaty palms? Headaches? Moody? Tempted to casually run out of the room and head for the hills before the exam starts? Create a new identify for yourself and move to Russia?  I think we've all been there.

Well not to toot our own horn, but the human body is quite magnificent. I do admit when experiencing the above scenario we may not agree.

A stressor, the thing or situation causing you stress, can be real or imagined. As real as a very hunger bear chasing after you that one time you happen to be in the woods or perhaps the thought of opening up your exam tomorrow morning and not being able to answer any of the questions. Whatever the stressor may be, when you are confronted with it part of your brain known as the Amygdala receives this sensory information. The amygdala is commonly associated with the flight or fight response and contributes to our emotional processing. From here a message is sent to another location in the brain, the Hypothalamus. The hypothalamus produces hormones and is able to communicate with the rest of the body affecting things like behaviour. It receives information from the body, for example a change in blood pressure and adjusts to return the body to homoeostasis- a dynamic stable state. From here breathing, blood pressure and heart rate can be altered.

As noted above when feeling stressed you may feel your heart beating out of your chest, this can be attributed to your Sympathetic Nervous System. Don't be fooled by the word sympathetic and associating it with your body relaxing, this system in fact triggers the-fight-or-flight response, allowing you to respond to these perceived dangers. This burst of energy or accelerator pedal is activated by the hypothalamus leading to the that release of adrenaline you may feel during an exam or running away from that pesky bear (hasn't he got something better to do?).

Put another way, turning on your car is the amygdala receiving information of a possible threat. Your right foot, the hypothalamus, then hits the accelerator, the sympathetic nervous system, providing a burst of energy to your car, your body to either fight or run away.

That burst of energy or adrenaline entering your bloodstream leads to your heart beating faster, extra blood being pumped around your body to muscles and other important organs. This is your body getting ready. You may also start to breath faster, with extra Oxygen sent to your brain to improve your alertness. Your senses such as sight and hearing may even be heightened.

This cascade of events happens so quickly and without us even knowing. Of course this cascade continues on and on, however I hope you have the main picture.

The fight or flight response has been very important to our survival and although it may not seem at first, appropriate for your multiple choice exam, perhaps that extra boost or foot on the accelerator increasing your attention may not be so bad. Although I see no strong argument for how sweating helps anyone in an exam...

It's important to realise that what you're feeling is most likely normal and its actually your body's way of defending itself. Below you will find a playlist of our favourite stress-free songs but if you need something in the background when that bear finally catches up to you try:

Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger

Music:
Anything Boyce Avenue!
Can't go wrong with Dido
Gabrielle Aplin: Listen to "Please Don't Say You Love Me" and "Power of Love" and try not to buy all of her albums!
Kodaline- All I Want



May your lives be forever full of spice! Xx